Clearing Her Head
by Preppy Princess 5103
Summary: FINALLY COMPLETE! After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do, and needs some space from the two men in her life in order to do it. HM Shipper
1. Part One

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith PG-13

**Disclaimer**: Lets see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do.

**Authors Notes** I'm sorry. But Lifeline shouldn't have ended how it did. As possessive as Brumby was of Mac, I find it very hard to believe that he would have been okay with her spending their entire engagement party with Harm. And knowing how possessive Harm is of Mac, I find it equally hard to believe that he's just going to give up when he finally realizes what they could have together. I'm sorry, I know there are about two million Lifeline fics out there, but I watched the episode twice today and I just have to put in my two cents about it. And I really don't feel like working on a history take home exam.

**Part One**

"Thank you for a great evening, Admiral." Mic said. He extended his hand to the older man, who responded with a firm shake.

AJ smiled at the guests of honor. "It was my pleasure." He released Mic's hand and turned to Mac. She moved forward and gave him a brief, shy hug. "Good seeing you, Mic. Mac, I'll see you at the office on Monday."

She nodded. "Thank you for everything sir. Goodnight." She pulled her wrap around her bare shoulders, and let Mic guide her outside.

There were only three cars left, so they didn't have to wait long at all for the parking attendant to bring the little red Corvette to them. Mic opened the door for her, shut it forcefully before moving to the drivers side. He curled his large body into the small seat and looked straight ahead.

"Mic, is everything okay? Would you like me to drive?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm fine. I only had two glasses of wine."

"Then what's the matter?"

Mic looked over at her, hurt and anger burning in his dark eyes. "What's the matter?" He repeated. I'll tell you what's the matter. Tonight was our engagement party. OUR engagement party. And you spent the entire evening on the damn porch with Rabb!"

A pink flush spread over her cheeks. "Mic, we were just discussing a case."

"A case! Talking about a case is more important then spending the evening with me? Well then. Maybe I shouldn't have resigned my commission. Then I'd have cases you'd show an interest in and maybe you'd spend some time with me."

"I do spend time with you."

He shook his head. "No. You don't. Not really. You give me your body. And don't get me wrong, I love it. But I don't get you. I don't get the part of you that Rabb gets, and I never will."

Mac closed her eyes and drifted back to the kiss they shared earlier that evening. The kiss was so intense. So desperate. The way he had crushed her to him and kissed her as if he was a dying man in desperate need for life that only she could give him. She had never been kissed like that before. And she wondered if he had ever kissed another woman with the same intensity he had kissed her with. "Mic, I'm tired. And it's late. Can we talk about this later?"

"Sure, Sarah. Whatever you say." They made the drive back to her apartment in silence. He dropped her off, turned down her offer to come inside, and went back to his own apartment for the first time in weeks.

And the worst part: she was relieved.

* * *

"Mac, we need to talk."

She had just stepped off of the elevator and he was already bombarding her with requests she was in no mood to accommodate. "Harm, now is not the time."

"Mac-"

Mac shook her head. "No. We are not going into this here."

He was persistent. He wrapped his hand around her wrist to stop her from running. "We have to talk about what happened between us last night."

She jerked her wrist away. "Not. Right. Now." She hissed. "God!" She stormed away and into her office slamming the door behind her. "Now he wants to talk. Absolutely wonderful."

* * *

The week went by extremely to slow for Mac. Every morning Harm met her by the elevator, determined to make her talk to him. Every morning she stormed into her office in a huff. Every evening Mic would stop by and question her about her actual feelings till she told him to leave. He would disappear back to his apartment and the next morning the vicious circle would start over again. By Thursday, she had had it.

"Tiner, is the Admiral in?"

The young petty officer nodded and picked up the phone to see if he was busy. "Sir, Colonel MacKenzie would like a moment with you."

"Send her in, Tiner." He leaned back in his seat and watched as Mac walked in his office and shut the door behind her. "Everything ok, Colonel?"

She took a seat in front of his desk and looked up at him. "No sir. Everything is definitely not ok."

He stood and walked over to the other side of his desk and took the seat next to her. "What's wrong, Mac?" He decided that this was definitely not about anything professional.

"Sir, I don't even know where to start."

"Start from the beginning." For the next 47 minutes, he sat their listening as she laid out her complicated relationships with Harm and Mic, ending with the events the night of her engagement party.

'Wow.' AJ thought. 'No wonder she's looked so stressed this week.' He cleared his throat. "Mac, why don't you take Friday and Monday off, and go somewhere this weekend and just clear your head."

She shook her head. "I can't, sir. There is so much I need to get done. My wedding is two weeks from Saturday, the Scully court martial starts Wednesday and I just can't."

AJ placed his hand on top of hers and squeezed. "You're right. Your wedding is two weeks from Saturday. You asked me to give you away, Mac, and I want to give you away to the right man. You need to get all of these feelings figured out and clear your head before you potentially make a catastrophic mistake. Take a few days. Just go somewhere and don't let Rabb or Brumby know where. Hell, I'll even tell them you're off investigating a case."

Mac took a few deep breaths and nodded. "You're right, Admiral. You're absolutely right. I'll take Friday and Monday off and be back first thing Tuesday."

He smiled. "Good. Now go get your desk squared away and take the rest of the day. I doubt you'll get much done anyways."

"Yes sir. Thank you for everything."

"No problem, Mac. I hope you figure everything out."

"Me too, sir. Me too."

* * *

She was back in her office, cramming filed in her briefcase when Harm tapped gently on the door. "Heading out for the day?"

"Yeah. I'm actually going out of town for a few days for an investigation of sorts."

"Oh." He was a little surprised at this. "Did it just come up?"

She nodded. "Mm-hmm. The Admiral just told me about it. I'll be back Monday night."

She gathered her things and started to squeeze by him when he put his hand on her shoulder, which abruptly stopped her. "I'm sorry about this week, Sarah. I know I've kind of been pressuring you. I don't mean to do that. We just have so much between us that needs to get worked out."

For the first time all week, she agreed with him. "I know. And we will. We'll talk when I get back, ok."

He nodded. "Ok." He dropped his hand and gave her a soft smile. "Have a safe trip."

End Part One

So? What did you think? After ending "Sooner or Later" I had planned on writing a fic dealing with the baby deal, and the episode "Standard of Conduct", but after watching "Lifeline" today, I couldn't resist.

Feedback remains my favorite thing in the world :)


	2. Part Two

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: WOW WOW WOW. I am so excited about the feedback I received. Every time I checked my e-mail and saw a new alert I kind of did a little happy dance. Thank you guys so much for the positive response and for the constructive criticism. Keep it up please! Also, the restaurant Sticky Fingers does exist. It is EXTREMELY good, and that's a lot coming from me because I HATE bbq.

**Part Two**

Mic had been furious about this little trip of hers.

"_Sarah. It's two weeks before our wedding."_

_She turned from her suitcase and stared at him. "Yes. And?"_

"_You're really going on an investigation right now? There is so much to do."_

"_Mic," She had said, trying to keep her frustration at bay, "this wedding is planned. Every thing is done. There is nothing left to do but show up and say I do." She turned back to her bag and folded a midnight blue t-shirt and placed it on the small pile. "You do realize I'm still going to be going on investigations, and I will still go TAD every once in a while. Just because we're getting married doesn't mean my career is going to be any different."_

"_Your career. It's all about your career. What about my career? What about everything I gave up so we could be together?"_

_She looked up from the pile again, and said softly, "I never asked you to do that."_

Mac shook her head and sighed. She wasn't going to think about him. Either of them. All she wanted to focus on was the beautiful May afternoon, the sun shining, the baby blue skies and the open road ahead of her.

She smiled as she finally saw a sign for I-95 south directing her to North Carolina. Anna, one of her friends from her time at Duke, lived in Raleigh. She was planning on stopping by, having an early dinner with her and her husband, and then making the rest of the trip to Charleston. Charleston was one of her favorite cities. It was so picturesque, with such a strong history. The architecture was beautiful, the beach was much quieter then in the surrounding Carolina beaches, and the shopping was incredible. She was looking forward to this weekend immensely.

* * *

"Sarah!" Anna flung the massive front door open and pulled her old friend to her for a hug. "Oh, it's been so long! How have you been?"

Mac smiled. Anna was one of the happiest, most exuberant people she had ever known. Harriet actually reminded her of Anna. Perhaps that's why they became such good friends so quickly. "I've been good." She placed a hand on her friends extended belly and grinned. "Not as good as you obviously."

Anna laughed. "It figures. Sarah MacKenzie finally decides to tie the knot, and I can't go because I'm eight months pregnant. Come on in! Josh should be home in about twenty minutes and then we can go get dinner."

"Sounds great. I'm starved."

"I hate you, you know that right?"

Mac laughed. That had been a standing joke between the two of them ever since they had first met. The first night at Duke, a fraternity house on campus had a party. Her roommate had forced her to attend, and she spent most of the night sitting outside. Her goal had been to be as far away from the drinking as she could, and still technically be at the party. That's where she met Anna. She remembered the slightly chubby blonde girl who was outside because she didn't know anyone, and was insecure about meeting new people. Mac had engaged her in conversation and the two quickly became friends. Even though every time Anna saw her in a bikini, she would scowl and insist that she hated her.

"Anna, I'd much rather have your body then mine."

Anna looked down at her protruding belly and a soft smile lit up her face. "I can't believe it, you know. Josh and I have been trying for so long, and in less then a month, I'm going to be a mommy. I can't wait."

"Well, you two deserve it. You're going to be great parents." Before she was able to control it, her eyes filled with tears, and one dared to slide down her cheek. Anna immediately noticed and pulled her friend to the couch.

"Sarah, what's the matter?"

"Anna, my life is falling apart and I don't know how to stop it." She sobbed.

Anna pulled Mac to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "It'll be okay. I promise. Everything will be fine. Now, do you want to tell me what brought on this impromptu visit?"

Mac wiped her eyes with the heel of her hand and sniffled. "I've told you about Harm, right?"

Anna nodded. "Oh yeah. Commander Hunk."

She laughed at the nickname. Anna had referred to him as that ever since she had first seen a picture of him. "Well, last Saturday was my engagement party. Harm was there, of course." She closed her eyes, remembering how gorgeous he looked that evening. Civilian suits were right up there with the dress whites. "Harm's girlfriend Renee-"

"The video princess?" Anna interrupted.

"The one and only. Anyways, Renee was late so Harm was going out on the porch to wait for her. I went out there with him so we could talk about a case."

Anna held up a well manicured hand and cut her friend off again. "Wait. You're telling me that you left your fiancé at your engagement party, to go talk about work with Commander Hunk?"

Mac blushed and nodded. "Yeah. But it gets worse. After we agreed on the case, the conversation turned to more personal issues. But right when things were getting interesting, Renee pulls up and the three of us go inside. So, we go inside, and I realize I left my purse on the porch. I go back outside to get it, and this time Harm followed me, and our more personal conversation picked back up."

"So what all did you talk about?"

Mac sighed. "We talked about who owed the other for saving their life."

Anna smiled. "You win. You followed him to Russia twice."

She blushed. "Yeah, we came to that conclusion. We talked about our baby deal. And we talked about everything that happened in Sydney."

Anna stood up and walked over to the thermostat and adjusted the air. "I wish I had a magic wand so I could just 'poof!' all of you back to Sydney and that entire travesty never would have happened."

"You and me both." Mac muttered. Anna heard her and raised an eyebrow, and then gestured for Mac to continue. "So after discussing Sydney, we eventually got to something Mic said when he was trying to get me convicted of murdering my ex-husband."

_He was right about some people being in love with you_. Mac's cheeks reddened and she tried to shake the memory from her head.

"Don't stop." She said. "Tell me."

Mac sighed. "Apparently, Mic told Harm, the Admiral and Bud that all of them were a little bit in love with me." She smiled slightly at Anna's expression. "And Harm told me that he was right about some people being in love with me."

"Oh my God!" Anna exclaimed. She paced back and forth and looked at Mac. "Well, the Admiral is your boss. And doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

"Did. Things ended a while ago."

"Ok. But still. And Bud is married."

Mac nodded. "Yep. Three years now."

"So, Harm was telling you in his own roundabout way that he was in love with you."

Mac dropped her head to her hands and sighed. "Anna, do you see why I needed to get away to clear my head."

"Yes. Now, go on."

"Ok." She sighed and leaned back. "Finally, Petty officer Tiner comes outside to tell Harm and I that the Admiral needs us inside. Once Tiner leaves, Harm tells me I have someone who will always love me. And then I tell him that he has someone who loves him."

"Oh my God!" Anna hopped up again and stopped dead in her tracks with Mac's next words.

"And then we kissed."

"Oh my God." This time she was quieter and slowly sank on to the couch next to her friend. "Sarah. What kind of kiss?"

Mac reached up and wiped another tear from her cheek. "The kind of kiss I've dreamt about since I knew what a kiss was. It was everything. So hot, so passionate. So demanding. I meant it to simply be a kiss 'goodbye', but he pulled me to him. You know how in romance novels when the hero crushed the heroine to his chest and kisses her till she can barely form a coherent sentence," she waited for Anna to nod, and then said, "that's what this kiss was like."

"Wow."

"Anna, it was so desperate. When he kissed me, it felt like he was begging me not to go. Like he was begging me not to marry Mic. But then we went inside and that was that."

"Oh Sarah." She moved close to her friend and hugged her again. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know! They've both been pestering me all week. Mic is understandably upset because I spent most of the party outside with Harm. Harm wants to talk about what happened." She shot up and began pacing herself. "Damn it. Why couldn't Harm have come to terms with how he felt a year ago? Why does he have to realize what's between us at my engagement party two weeks before I marry someone else."

"Well, what can I say? Men have horrible timing." Anna's joke did little to lighten the mood and watched as her Sarah continued to pace. "Sarah, don't marry Mic out of a sense of obligation. Marriage is hard enough without going into it with such low expectations. If you have doubts, don't do it.'

Mac gave her a small half smile and said, "I love Mic. I really do. I know it sounds like I don't, but I do. And that's why this is so hard. That's why I'm heading to Charleston till Monday night. And that's why Harm and Mic don't know where or why I'm going. When I see them on Tuesday, I'm going to be able to give them answers to their questions and end this ridiculous triangle, well, square if you count Renee, once and for all."

* * *

The rest of evening ended up at a really good Italian restaurant. They drove back to Josh and Anna's house where they said their goodbyes.

"Sarah, are you sure we can't convince you to stay?" Josh asked.

She shook her head. "No, I want to go ahead and get the rest of the drive over with. It's only 7:00. I should be there by 11:00."

"That's so late!" Anna exclaimed. "I hate the fact that my beautiful friend is going to make a four hour drive, by herself, that late."

Mac smiled, touched at their concern. "Tell ya what. If I start feeling tired or anything, I'll pull over at the first hotel I can find. And I'll call you and let you know when I get to a hotel."

Anna sighed and nodded. "I know I won't change your mind, so I'll take what I can get. Be careful, ok. I love you." She pulled her close for a hug and then smiled. "I know you'll make the right decision, Sarah."

"Thanks Anna." Mac told them both goodbye, got back in the car and headed towards Charleston. It was a long drive. And pretty boring. She turned the volume up on the stereo and started singing along to a LeAnn Rimes song. She was halfway through the chorus for a second time when she felt her cell phone vibrating in her lap. She turned down the music and then picked up the phone. It was Harm. After about five seconds of internal debate, she answered it.

"Hi."

"Hey Mac."

His deep, smooth voice sent tingles through her body. "Is everything okay in DC?"

He sighed on his end. "Yeah. It's pretty boring right now."

"Oh." A moment of awkward silence passed before she spoke again. "So, did you call for a reason?"

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "I wanted to make sure you were ok. I didn't know what time you were leaving DC, but I figured you should have been to wherever you were going by now. It's almost 10:00 and I was just concerned."

She warmed hearing his reason for calling. On her mental checklist, she made a note that she had yet to hear from her fiancé. '_Or maybe Mic's just respecting my wishes_' she thought to herself. Her logic was terrible and she knew it, so she let herself feel good about the fact that Harm was worried. "I'm fine, Harm. A friend of mine lives in Raleigh, so I stopped and had dinner with her and her husband, so I have about an hour left on my trip."

"Will you call me when you get there?" He asked. "Just let me know you got there ok."

"I will." She said softly. "I'll talk to you later, Harm."

He knew a brush off when he heard it. "Bye, Sarah."

**End Part Two**

Hope you liked it! Let me know if you did and if you didn't, let me know what I can do to fix it!


	3. Part Three

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: Ok. The feedback is still rocking my socks off. You guys are so awesome :) Anyhoo, sorry its been so long since my last update. I had midterms all last week. Any of you guys that are in college knows how much fun that is :-/ But now, my plate is clean for a while so expect lots and lots of fic. Hope you enjoy this part.

**Part****Three**:

There was absolutely nothing in the world better then the Carolina's in May. She loved Charleston, especially this time of year. The weather was warm, but not excruciatingly hot. The beaches weren't deserted, but since schools were still in session they weren't overrun with vacationing families either. It was peaceful. Perfect.

Mac sighed as she took in the view for another moment and then went to change clothes. She had no desire to spend the whole trip in her hotel room. She could do just as much thinking actually laying on the beach as she could standing on the balcony. She quickly stripped out of her pajamas and into the new, red bikini she had purchased for the honeymoon. Her beach bag was already packed with a soft towel, suntan lotion and an old, favored Nora Robert's novel. She threw on her white Juicy Couture cover up and headed down to the beach. It was even more beautiful up close then from her balcony. The sun was bright, the sky was the perfect, cloudless blue you pray for on vacations and the beach was quiet. A few scattered, small groups of people dotted the coast but no loud children or obnoxious teenagers were spotted anywhere. Mac spread out the towel, discarded her cover up and settled onto the soft sand.

This was so different then the last time she had been on a beach. Part of her was still hurt that Harm actually thought she would go topless in front of Mic. At that point she didn't even know him that well. Or like him that much. _'Then why did you take a ring from him a few days later'_, her inner voice argued.

Why did she take that ring? Was it just because Harm hurt her? And humiliated her? She hoped not. That was no basis for a future with someone.

* * *

"Rabb here."

"Harmon, I've told you that is not a polite way to answer the phone."

Harm's scowl at his work being interrupted turned into a genuine smile. "Sorry Gram. You're calling me at work. You never call me at work. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything's good. I tried calling you at home and you didn't answer, so I figured the office was a good shot. Why are you at work on this beautiful Saturday afternoon?"

"Because if I spent the day at home I'd more then likely spend the whole day on the couch drinking beer and messing around with my guitar."

Sarah Rabb frowned. That was his favorite 'I'm depressed' activity. "What's the matter Harm?"

"Nothing Grams."

"Don't try that with me. I know you. I've seen you at your lowest and that is what you do when you're depressed. So what's wrong? Why are you depressed?"

He sighed and realized there was no point in trying to hide anything from his grandmother. He told her about everything that was going on with Mac.

When he was done, she sighed softly. "Harm, pushing that girl away in Australia was the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"I'm well aware of that Grandma."

"Are you really, Harm?" Sarah was completely frustrated with him. "She followed you to Russia not once, but twice. She was there when you learned the truth about your father. She kept you from potentially becoming a murderer when you were going after Diane's killer. She let herself be held as collateral in Iran so you could salvage that plane and save Jack. She has been at your side since the day you met. She put everything on the line; her heart, her pride; in Australia and you turned her down so you could bounce on the sheets with that blonde fur ball I met a few weeks ago."

"Grandma!" Harm's face turned bright red with her remark about Renee. "It's difficult between Mac and I."

"Well, it shouldn't be. I know the Navy is important to you. But its damn regulations have no place telling you who you should love."

"Maybe they shouldn't, but they do."

"Ok. Fine. Let the Navy dictate every aspect of your life, right down to who you love. And who knows. Imagine in about fifteen years, you'll be stationed somewhere else. Maybe London, or Italy. Who knows. And you get an invitation to your godson's graduation. You go, and you run into Mac. She's married to a man she doesn't love. She has a family that should have been yours. And you're alone because you never could break the Navy's precious rules."

He was taken aback. "Gram, I've never heard you talk like this."

"Well, I've never had to watch my grandson's future slip through his fingers before."

"Grandma," Harm said, his tone softer, "Mac is on a case right now. She said we'll talk when she gets back. And I promise you, I'm going to try and do everything I can to fix this mess I've gotten myself into. I'm in love with her and I'm through sitting calmly at the sidelines. I have two weeks till her wedding and I'm going to make sure she has no doubts as to how I feel."

She grinned. "That sounds more like my grandson." She glanced up at the wall clock in her country kitchen and came up with an idea. "Listen. Its almost noon. Why don't you load up 'Sarah' and come spend the rest of the weekend with me."

He loved the sound of that. Nowhere on earth was as relaxing as his grandmother's huge, ancient farmhouse. And nothing beat her cooking. "I'd love to Gram's but I've got so much work to do."

"Bring a few files. Not all of them, just the most important ones and come up here anyways. You need a break."

Harm didn't need much convincing. "You know what? That's exactly what I'll need. I'll finish up here and I'll be up there as soon as I can."

"Good." Sarah was already peeling apples for his favorite desert. "I love you Harmon."

"Love you too, Grams."

* * *

Mac had spent a little over two hours on the beach. She decided she was definitely dark enough and headed up to her room for a shower, and then planned to go get some lunch and do some shopping. Chloe's birthday was coming up soon, and she wanted to get her something nice. Harm's mother also had a birthday coming up and she always sent her a card. It was funny how close she felt to Trish. She didn't feel a bond with Mrs. Brumby.

'_Mrs. Brumby'_, the inner voice nagged again, _'you refer to Harm's mother by her name, and your future mother in law as Mrs. Brumby'. _For once she didn't mentally shush the voice. It was right. There was something wrong with that. Not only the fact, but also she was going shopping for Trish a birthday card and didn't even know when Mrs. Brumby's birthday was.

She had just turned the water on and was heading towards her shower when she heard the cell phone ring. Deciding it could be important, she wrapped herself in a fluffy white towel and went to pick up the phone.

"Hi Harm."

He grinned as he usually did when her throaty voice said his name. "Hey Mac. How's the case?"

She looked around the hotel room and out at the beach. "Pretty easy. I actually spent some time this morning at the beach."

"Really? That sounds nice. I hope its as nice wherever you're at as it is here."

Mac sat down on the edge of the bed. "Yeah, it beautiful." She fiddled with the edge of the towel. "Everything okay?"

He sighed. "Yeah, its good. I'm actually flying out to my Grandmother's farm to visit with her for the rest of the weekend."

"That sounds fun. Renee going?"

Harm laughed. "No. My grandmother doesn't like Renee. Earlier today she referred to her as a 'blonde fur ball'."

Mac couldn't hold in the laugh. "That's funny."

"My grandma's a funny lady." He could tell the phone call was coming to an end. "Anyways, my phone doesn't get great reception up there and I wanted to give you her number in case something comes up and you need me."

Her heart warmed and she reached for a pen and the pad of hotel stationary. "Okay, I'm ready."

He read off the number and then said softly, "I miss you Sarah. A lot."

"I know." He voice was just as soft, and a little shaky. "I miss you too. Have a safe trip."

"You too, Ninja Girl."

Her eyes filled at the old nickname. "Bye flyboy."

They both hung up there phones and stared at the dead receivers for a moment. Mac finally sat hers down and remembered the running water in the shower. She went to the bathroom, discarded the towel and stepped under the spray of cool water. _'Oh Harm,' _she thought, _'what's going to happen with us?'_

---

After her shower, she went to a supposedly 'famous' seafood place called Hyman's. After a lunch of the most delicious Cajun salmon she had ever tasted, she headed towards King Street to do some shopping. The malls in the DC area were wonderful, but she loved shopping when everything lined up on the street. To her, malls just weren't as enjoyable.

After about an hour, she was done with her necessary shopping. She had found a pretty dress for Chloe in Saks and had picked out the perfect cards for both her and Trish. She wandered in Lilly Pulitzer to pick up some new polo shirts and then into the COACH outlet where she found beautiful brown leather wallet for herself and a coin purse that resembled a watermelon. Chloe would love it.

With her packages condensed into the large shopping bag she had gotten from he Lilly store, she made a final stop into Williams-Sonoma and ran into a familiar face. She watched as he walked towards her. She let herself be pulled into his embrace and smiled at him as she pulled back. "Jack Keeter. Who would have thought I'd ever see you in a cooking store." He laughed and her mind once again flashed to Harm. _'God, are you dropping hints now?'_

**End Part Three**

This was difficult for me. I wanted Mac to run into someone who would make her think about Harm. I thought about making it Sturgis, but then I realized she doesn't know him yet, and despite her little admission to him, I don't see her going in depth with him about her feelings for Harm. I also thought about making it Trish or Frank, but I brought in the family link with Trish's birthday and Harm's grandmother. And with Jack… I once read a fic called "Ease" by H. Lee (check it out RIGHT after you leave me feedback!) that has Mac having a brother/sister type relationship. I mean, they DID spend a few days in the desert together. So anyhoo. Keep all of that in mind when you read part four, which I'll have out by Friday J Love you guys!


	4. Part Four

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: Ok. The feedback is still rocking my socks off. You guys are so awesome J

**Part****Four**:

"Sarah MacKenzie. You look pretty hot in civvies."

She smiled at Harm's old friend. "Yeah, you do too. Especially without a sling and all of those bumps and bruises." She picked up a Giada De Laurentiis cookbook and put it in the shopping basket. "What are you doing in Charleston?"

He followed her as she began to move to the selection of multi colored stand mixers. "My little sister is getting married tonight at some resort over on Kiawah Island, so I'm here for the wedding."

A little of the color drained from, her face at the mention of a wedding. She gave him a small smile. "The Sanctuary?" He nodded and she continued. "It's a beautiful place. A friend of mine actually got married there a couple of years ago."

"Yeah, its nice." Something didn't seem right. She wasn't acting like the same smart assed marine he had met before. She was different. Beautiful, of course, but sad. Her eyes didn't sparkle the way they did before. "Mac, is everything ok?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. Why do you ask?"

"Because you don't look like everything is fine. You look like someone ran over your dog."

"Gee, thanks Jack. You sure know how to flatter a woman."

"Mac, do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "I've already talked about it. And its not something that I feel comfortable talking about with you."

Ah-ha. '_If she doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with me, then it probably deals with Harm._' Jack smiled. "So what did Harm do this time?"

Mac turned in surprise. "What makes you think it has anything to do with Harm?"

"Well, he's not here with you. You don't want to talk about it with me. And like I said, you look like someone ran over your dog." He placed his hand on her arm, startling her. "Talk to me."

She sighed. "Fine." She grabbed a pale yellow wood and rubber spatula and added it to the basket as well. "Let me pay for these first."

"Ok." He glanced outside and saw an ice-cream parlor across the street. "Mac, there's an ice-cream place across the street. Meet me over there when you're done."

"All right." She waited in line for a few moments, paid for her purchases and walked across the street to Cold Stone Creamery. She met up with him inline, ordered her usual "strawberry blonde". It was a delicious mix of strawberry ice cream, strawberries, caramel, graham cracker crumbles and whipped cream. They took their ice cream and headed outside to the small tables that bordered the store.

Jack took a bite out of his cone of chocolate ice-cream with heath bar pieces and leaned back in the chair. "So. What's going on?"

She held out her hand. "I'm getting married in two weeks."

He picked up her hand and inspected the ring. "Wow. Congratulations. Nice ring." He took another bite and thought back to his past conversations with Harm. Things made more sense now. Harm used to babble about the beautiful Sarah MacKenzie all the time. But lately, he had barely mentioned her at all. "I'm not an expert on marriage or anything, but my sister has never been happier. And to be honest, Mac, you looked happier when we were in the desert."

"I guess having serious doubts does that to a girl."

"Who's the lucky man." Jack took another bite. "Anyone I know?"

She nodded. "You met him when Harm and I were helping you. Commander Brumby."

He almost choked on a piece of the heath bar. "Bug-me?"

Mac rolled her eyes. "I see Harm has mentioned him to you."

"You're marrying him?"

She was a little annoyed. "Yes. That's the plan." She quietly nibbled on the edge of the waffle cone and looked up at Jack. "I'm having second thoughts. I've hade them for a while. But last week, Admiral Chegwidden threw us an engagement party. And I spent most of the evening outside with Harm, and we kissed."

Jack's eyes widened. "Harm 'Office and Gentleman' Rabb kissed another mans fiance?"

Mac blushed. "Well, I actually moved to kiss him. It was meant to be a kiss goodbye, but he pulled me to him and it was a kiss unlike anything I had ever felt."

He smiled. "That's Rabb alright." He sobered as he took in her distraught features. "Harm is in love with you, Mac. He has been for a while."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, and you know that for sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He let it slip once. A few months ago, I was in town for a few days. We went out, had a few drinks. At the bar a pretty blonde came up to us and she was hitting on him. He turned her down." Jack smiled seeing Mac's surprise. "I know. He's always had a thing for blondes. I was shocked he turned her down. I asked what that was all about and he said that he was having a hard time with casual flings when his heart belonged to someone else."

"And how do you know he was talking about me?"

Jack grinned. "Because five minutes later I met Renee. Harm had invited her to join us. And when she walked in, I could tell by the way Harm looked at her that she wasn't the woman who had his heart." He rolled his eyes. "And let me tell you, that was the longest evening I have ever spent with a beautiful woman."

Mac smiled softly. "I'm just not sure what to do, Jack."

"Do you love Brumby?"

She sighed. "I love him. But I'm not sure if I'm in love with him."

"Then why marry him?"

"He's a good man. He resigned his commission to come to Washington and be with me. He wants the same things I want."

Jack picked up her hand. "Mac, that is not an good reason to marry someone." He crumpled a napkin up in his other hand and decided to risk it and ask his next question. "Are you in love with Harm?"

"Yes." She didn't hesitate at all. "I've been in love with him for so long, but I'm tired of waiting. I'm almost thirty five years old. I want to be married. I want to have children."

"Can you not have that with Harm?"

She gave him a sad, soft smile. "He doesn't want me." She saw Jack start to speak and silenced him. "No. He doesn't. He only wants me, only shows interest in me when I'm not available. If I ended things with Mic, I doubt he'd give me a second look."

---

Sarah Rabb pulled her grandson to her for a firm hug. "I've missed you, Harmon."

He returned the hug and then pulled back. "Hey Grams. I've missed you too."

She pushed the door open so they could go inside. "You hungry?" Sarah laughed at her grandson's enthusiastic nod. "Well, I've made barbequed chicken, potato salad, those green beans with tomatoes and almonds you like and I have a surprise for desert."

His mouth was watering just listening to her. "Gram, I'm quitting my job and moving in with you."

She laughed. "Well, we'll deal with that later. Now come eat." He sat down at the kitchen table and she sat a plate piled high with food in front of him, and then served herself. "So how was the flight?"

"It was nice. Its such a pretty day outside."

Sarah took a bite of her chicken. "Have you talked to Mac?"

Harm nodded. "Yeah. I don't have cell phone service out here, so I called her and let her know this number."

"How is she doing?"

She's good. She said the case is pretty easy and she got to spend some time on the beach today."

"That's good. Relaxing before a wedding is good."

Harm almost growled at his grandmother. "Hopefully there wont be a wedding." He took a bite of the potato salad. "Grams, I love Mac. And I'm going to tell her how I feel. I just… I kind of feel guilty. My whole life has been about being an officer and a gentleman. And telling another man's fiance that I'm in love with her and want to be with her isn't exactly honorable, but I-"

Sarah raised a hand and cut him off. "Harm, kissing her wasn't honorable. But you can't deny what you feel. Its not as if your going to go to her, ravage her and leave her. You're going to tell her you love her and want a life with her. And then you're going to let her decide what she wants. And I see nothing wrong that that. Especially not if she loves you as much as you love her."

---

Mac stood up and tossed her trash into a nearby can. "It was nice seeing you, Jack. But shouldn't you head back to Kiawah Island for your sister's wedding?"

He had a brilliant idea. "Come with me."

She turned. "What?"

"Come with me. it's a huge wedding. My sister invited about two hundred guests and she's constantly trying to set me up with her socialite friends. Come with me. Save me from the debutants."

"Jack, a lot of work goes into planning a wedding. Table arrangements, head counts. An extra person is a big deal."

"Not for Maggie. I had responded that I was going to bring a date, but the woman I had been seeing got called away on a mission. So it wouldn't be an inconvenience at all. And you'd actually save my sister from having a coronary when she saw an empty seat at one of her carefully planned tables."

"Jack, I'm having enough doubts about my own impending wedding. Going to someone else's will not help."

"Maybe. Maybe not. But it'll be fun. Please come."

She sighed. "Fine. I'll come."

"Good. Lets go to your hotel so you can change and then we'll head to the island."

**End Part Four**

So we haven't had any interaction with Mic since part one. That will change very shortly. Hope you guys enjoyed this part. Please remember to leave feedback letting me know what you think. I'm going to try and have the next part up by Sunday. Probably earlier though since I have the whole weekend off.


	5. Part Five

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: Ok. The feedback is still rocking my socks off. You guys are so awesome :)

**Part****Five**:

For some unknown reason, she had brought a nice dress with her. Mac smiled as she pulled the dress off of the hanger. It was new, and already a favorite of hers. The dress was a black silk halter dress with medium sized white polka dots. The dress fell below her knees, and was cut low in the front. The bodice was fitted and did amazing things to her chest, and along with the full skirt made her waist look smaller then Scarlett O'Hara's. She twirled around and admired the way the dress moved and then set to work on her hair.

A little while later, her hair was styled, her make-up was perfect and she was waiting for Jack. He was changing in the groom's room so that she would have privacy. Mac opened the door to the room a bit, so if he walked by he would know it was safe to enter. She sat on the bed, and was fastening the straps on the black stiletto sandals she was wearing when her cell phone started ringing. She pulled it from her small red clutch and sighed with she saw that it was Mic. They hadn't talked since the night she told him she was going out of town on a case. She knew she had to talk to him sooner or later and flipped the phone open and greeted him.

"Sarah, how are you?"

Mac fastened the strap on the remaining shoe and moved to the balcony. The view was gorgeous. This resort was amazing, and she was excited to be here with Jack for no other reason then the hotel. It was a place she had dreamed about getting married at, herself. "I'm good, Mic. How are things at home?"

"Everything is fine. I miss you."

It hurt her heart that she couldn't say the same. She was surprised when she came to that realization earlier that afternoon. When she had spoken to Harm, and he said he missed her, it had filled her with warmth. And she knew she missed him too. She didn't feel that with Mic. She was relieved to be away from him. "That's nice to know." She said softly.

"Where are you at?" It didn't escape him that she didn't return his sentiment.

"In South Carolina."

He was starting to get angry. She was his fiancé. They would be married in two weeks. And not only could she not tell him that she missed him, but she was also responding with the briefest of answers. "How's the case?"

Mac sat on one of the plush patio chairs and stared at the water. "It's fine. Its nothing serious, so I'm having a lot of time to relax. I even spent some time at the beach today."

"Sounds nice."

She sighed softly. "It is. I like it here." She heard footsteps, and laughing getting closer to the room. She stood up and turned and saw Jack come in with an older couple following.

Jack smiled at the image before him. Sarah MacKenzie was a gorgeous woman. If it wasn't for Reese, the woman he had been seeing, and surprisingly really liked, he'd give Harm and Brumby both a run for their money. "You look hot!" He said with a smile. His smile faded when she held up her hand to silence him and all the color began to drain from her face.

"Who the hell is that, Sarah!" Mic asked. He was livid. If she was on a case, why was some man telling her she looked hot. "Is that Rabb? Is he there? Answer me, damn it!"

Mac looked at Jack with pleading eyes. He nodded and led the other couple from the room and closed the door behind them. She took a deep breath. "First of all, don't ever speak to me that way again." As bad as she felt for betraying him at the party and for lying to him about her reason for this trip, she would never let anyone speak to her that way again. "Second of all, no. I'm not with Harm. I'm with Commander Keeter. Remember him?"

"Rabb's friend that we rescued a few years ago?"

"Yes." She sat down on the chair again. "I ran into him today in the city. It turns out he's here for his sister's wedding. The woman he had planned on bringing had an assignment somewhere at the last minute and couldn't come. He asked me to come keep him company and I said yes."

He was livid. "Well this is perfect. He can tell you stories about the JAG golden boy all night while I sit here home alone."

That was it. "Mic, I am so sick and tired of you blaming all of your unhappiness in life on me. I did not ask you to move here. I am not the reason you don't have any friends of your own to hang out with. And that really scares me. I don't want a marriage where my husband has me and only me. You need to have a life of your own. Because just because we're getting married, doesn't mean I'm going to give my life up."

"Do you even want to marry me, Sarah? Honestly. Why are you marrying me. It seems that nothing I do makes you happy."

Her breath caught in her throat and after a moment she found her voice. "Do you still want to marry me?"

"I do, Sarah. I love you more then anything. But I don't want to marry you if your heart isn't in it. I deserve more then that."

"You're right. You do."

Both ends were silent for a moment, and then Mic finally spoke. "You're going to a wedding. I'm not going to try and stop you. But while your there, do something for me. Close your eyes and pretend its our wedding. And figure out if that's what you really want."

She nodded, and then spoke. "I will. I'm going to go to this wedding, get my thoughts in order and I'll talk to you Monday night when I get home."

"I love you, Sarah."

Her eyes filled with tears and she forcefully blinked them back. "I love you too. Goodnight, Mic."

"Goodnight."

* * *

When Mac opened the door a few minutes later, Jack and the couple were standing in the hallway talking quietly.

"Mac, I am _SO_ sorry." He started, "I didn't see the phone. I hope I didn't cause too many problems."

She shook her head. "It'll be fine. I promise. I'm sorry you all had to leave while I finished that."

"Was it Mic?" He prodded gently.

"Yeah." She looked up at Jack and smiled. She wanted to enjoy the evening and forget about her drama at home. "And thank you. You look pretty nice yourself." She wasn't used to seeing military men wearing suits to a wedding. Jack was wearing a black suit, with a black shirt and a bright red tie. She held up her clutch and smiled. "We match."

Everyone laughed and Jack took the liberty of introducing her to the other couple. "Mac, these are my step-parents. This is my step mom, Olivia and my step father Daniel. Liv, Danny, this is Sarah MacKenzie. She's a marine lawyer with JAG. And she saved my sorry butt a few years ago."

She shook hands with them both. "Its very nice to meet you. You guys must be a close family if even the step parents spend time together."

Olivia laughed. "Well, Jack and Maggie's parents divorced when they were young. We all remarried at close to the same time, so we've all had about thirty years to get to know one another."

Daniel looked at his watch. "Ladies, Jack, we better get moving. I don't think Maggie would forgive us if we interrupted her walk down the aisle because we're late."

* * *

"Gram, what am I going to do about Mac?"

Sarah watched as he put a log in the fireplace. It might be warm and balmy everywhere else in the world, but it was a chilly evening in Pennsylvania. "What do you mean?"

"What if she chooses to marry Brumby. I can't lose her."

"I know, darling. But its her choice." She sipped her coffee and then smiled at her grandson. "Although I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be with you if they had the chance."

"I was so stupid in Australia. If I had treated that whole situation better, maybe I would be the one marrying her in two weeks."

"Harm, she might not be getting married in two weeks."

He turned to face her. "Why do you say that?"

She sipped her coffee again and then sat the cup on the end table. "Harm, to me this seems like more then a case of cold feet. That girl loves you and has been in love with you for a long time. I don't see her marrying Mic, anymore then I see you marrying Renee."

"Renee." Harm stood up abruptly. "Oh crap."

"What is it?"

"We had a date tonight."

Sarah raised her eyebrows and picked up the coffee again. She raised the cup to her lips, hoping to hide the smile. After a moment, when she was sure she could contain herself, she sat the cup back down. "Listen, Harm. I don't like Renee. I don't think she's right for you at all. But, she does care for you and she does deserve to know that this relationship isn't going anywhere. Call her and talk to her. I'm going to take a walk and give you some privacy."

"Thanks, Grandma."

She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "Anytime darling."

* * *

Mac stood in the first pew, with Jack, his mother and his step parents and watched as his sister walked down the aisle. She was absolutely glowing. Her blonde hair fell in soft waves down her back, and the full, satin dress shone against her dark skin. She was the definition of a radiant bride.

She watched as Maggie's father brought her hand to his lips and kissed it, before placing it in her fiancé's hand. Mac's eyes moistened as she watched how they looked at each other. The groom stared at her in awe, as if he had never seen anything so beautiful. And Maggie looked happier then she had ever seen anyone look. You could tell that these were two people who were madly in love.

As she watched this couple take their vows, and exchange rings, a feeling of dread washed over her. Two weeks from now, she was supposed to stand before her friends and pledge to love Mic for the rest of her life, and there was no way she would be able to do it. _'This is how it's supposed to be'_, she said to herself. _'Nerves are natural, but not like this.'_

Jack glanced at her and saw her watching the couple with a wistful expression. "Everything ok?" He whispered.

Mac looked at him and shook her head. "I'm supposed to get married in two weeks," she said softly, "and there is no way I'm going to be able to go through with it."

**End Part Five**

Well! Mac has made her decision! Now, she just has to tell Harm and Mic what she's decided. I hope everyone is still enjoying this, and I'm going to try and have the next part out by Wednesday! And thanks again and again and again for the feedback. Its still rocking my socks off!


	6. Part Six

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: Ok. The feedback is still rocking my socks off. You guys are so awesome :)

**Part Six**:

"Ugh." Mac rolled over in bed and covered her head with a pillow, trying to block out the incessant knocking.

"Come on, Mac!" Keeter called, "open up!"

With a huff, she climbed out of the sinfully comfortable bed and went to the door. "Jack, it's way too early for a wake up call."

He smiled and strolled into the room. "I thought marines were up with the birds."

She glared at him and took the cup of coffee he handed her. She took a sip and closed her eyes as the potent Starbucks brew flowed through her veins. "I usually am, but when a certain someone keeps me out till 4:00am dancing, it makes it difficult to be up early."

Jack offered her an apologetic smile. "Sorry 'bout that."

"Don't be," Mac took another sip and sat down on the bed. "I had a great time. How come you're up so early?"

"Easy. I haven't been to bed yet." He followed her and joined her on the bed. "I take it you've decided what to do about the whole Harm/Mic situation."

"What makes you think that?"

"Mac, you told me you weren't going to be able to go through with your wedding. Most people would be devastated by a realization like that. But you looked happier then I've ever seen you. And when you and my mother started talking about Harm, you absolutely lit up."

Mac blushed and sipped her coffee. "He's my best friend, Jack."

"You're in love with him."

She looked at her coffee and then up at Jack. "Is there any point whatsoever in denying it?"

He shook his head. "No way." They sat in silence for a moment. "Are you going to tell him?"

She nodded. "Yeah, once I get back in Washington, I'm going to talk to Mic first, and then I'm going to talk to Harm."

* * *

"Gram, I don't mind helping, but you could have told me that I would be spending the afternoon cleaning out your attic."

Sarah Rabb smiled and tucked a silvery strand behind her ear. "I'm sorry darling. I woke up this morning, saw how dreary it was and it just sounded like a good idea."

"It is." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad I can help." He opened up a trunk and pulled out a garment bag. "What's this, Grandma?"

She stood up and walked over to the bag. Her eyes misted over and she unzipped the bag. "It's my wedding dress." She ran her fingers over the antique lace and smiled. "Hate to toot my on horn, but I was such a pretty bride."

"I know you were. I've seen the pictures." Harm smiled at his grandmother and then pulled something else from the trunk. "Is all of this stuff from your wedding?"

Sarah peeked in and nodded. "Yes." She took the beaded lace veil and smiled. "I can't believe how well this has held up. It's just as beautiful as it was sixty years ago." She looked up and saw her grandson staring at her. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing." He pulled a mahogany hand carved jewelry box out and looked up at his grandmother. "I just hope one day I can have what you and grandpa had."

"You will." She carefully folded the veil back up and put it into one of the boxes.

He noticed she put it into a box, and not back into the trunk. "You're not getting rid of it are you?"

"No way. This is a box of stuff for you to take home with you. If you ever get married, I'd be honored if your bride would wear this."

He leaned into hug her. "Thanks Gram." Once they pulled back, he opened up the jewelry box. "This box is gorgeous."

"Your father got that for me. His first tour of duty was in the Mediterranean. On liberty, he went into Rome with some of his friends and he bought this for me. He actually got your mother and I matching ones. This was my mother's day present, and he gave Trish hers on her first mothers day."

The elegant box suddenly became even more beautiful. He ran his hand over the carved curls and smiled at his grandmother. "Why do you keep it up here?"

"I don't wear much jewelry. Just the diamond studs your grandfather gave me and my wedding band. I just feel safer with these things up here."

Harm laughed. "Lots of robberies up here in farm country?"

Sarah playfully smacked him. "No. Of course not. I just baby sit for the Reynolds's children fairly often, and I don't want anything to happen to it." She gasped as he pulled out a velvet pouch and opened it. Her eyes filled with tears and she reached over and took the ring out of his hand. "Oh my. I had forgotten how beautiful this is."

"Your engagement ring." He said simply.

"Yeah." She slid it back on her finger and ran the tip of another finger over the three carat diamond. "I was so excited when he gave this to me. Its still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Its beautiful."

She nodded. "Did I ever tell you how he proposed?" She slid the ring off and stared at it. The ring needed a good cleaning, but even underneath twenty years of dust it still almost brought tears to her eyes.

Harm shook his head. "No, but I bet you're about to."

Sarah smiled and made a fist around the ring. "Your grandfather went to Annapolis, but I'm sure you knew that." We had started dating in high school, and he was a year ahead of me. He went off to Annapolis and I went to Chatham College in Pittsburgh. When he graduated, I went with his parents to the graduation ceremony. He walked up to me in that crisp, white uniform as Ensign Peter Rabb, I thought I would burst with pride. He shook his father's hand, gave his mother a hug and a kiss, and when he turned to me I was ready to die from anticipation. He didn't hug me, or kiss me, and I was worried he was going to end things. Then, he asked his father if he could borrow his coat for a moment. He took the coat, laid it over the pavement and knelt before me." She looked at Harm who was smiling at her. "I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest."

"How does a brand new Naval Academy graduate afford a ring like that?"

"He didn't." She opened her hand and stared at the ring. "It was his mother's ring, in a way. When his parents were first married, his father couldn't afford anything fancy. Her ring was very simple. A plain gold bad with a ruby for the stone. Her birthstone. Once James, his father, became successful, he bought her this ring. She wouldn't wear it, she loved her original ring, so she saved it for Peter." Sarah held out the ring to Harm.

"Grandma, no."

She nodded. "Yes." She opened his hand, sat the ring on his palm and then closed his fingers around it. "Harm, I have been waiting about twenty years to give this to you. Sarah is the one, Harm. I know she is. I've seen the way your face lights up when you mention her. I've heard the way your voice softens when you mention her." She took her free hand and cupped his cheek. "I'm not saying to propose to her next weekend, but when the time is right I'd be honored of you gave her my ring."

"Gram, are you forgetting that she's engaged?"

She shook her head. "She won't be for long."

"How can you be so sure?" Harm asked.

Sarah smiled. "You don't read the Bible enough. First Corinthians tells us that love always patient, always perseveres, and never fails. Have faith, Harmon."

* * *

She couldn't wait any longer to have these conversations. She needed to talk to Mic and to Harm. The sooner the better. After coming to this conclusion, she showered quickly and checked out of the hotel a day early.

Back on the highway, headed home to DC she tried to figure out what she was going to say. There was no way to get around hurting Mic, and that made her sick to think about. But as much as she hated hurting him, the alternative was marrying a man she wasn't in love with, and denying herself the possibility of being with a man she did love.

The car ride was one of the longest of her life. Around Raleigh, North Carolina she slid Mic's ring off of her finger. Her finger felt naked, and it was a wonderful feeling. Before the light turned green, she rubbed her fingers over the now bare spot and sighed softly.

Around Richmond, Virginia she picked up her cell phone to call Anna. She would be pleased that she wasn't going to miss Mac's wedding after all. The phone rang twice before her friend picked up. "Hey Anna, it's Mac."

"Sarah!" She squealed, "how are you! How is your trip?"

Mac smiled at her enthusiasm and set the cruise control on her Corvette. "My trip was good. I'm actually on my way home."

"I thought you weren't leaving until tomorrow."

"Well, there's been a change of plans with the wedding. I'm not going to marry Mic."

Anna was stunned. She had hoped Mac would come to this conclusion, but didn't think she actually would. "What? Sarah, are you serious?"

"I am." Mac took a deep breath and told her all about seeing Keeter, all about her phone calls with Harm, buying his mother a birthday gift, talking to Mic and the wedding.

"Wow," she said, "pretty exciting weekend."

Mac laughed, "Yeah, I know. I just… when I saw Maggie walking down that aisle, she just looked so happy. And they both looked so in love. And that's how its supposed to be. Nerves are natural, but I shouldn't be spending all of my time thinking about another man."

"When are you going to talk to Harm?"

"Probably tomorrow. Its going to be late when I get home, and I don't want to wake him."

Anna smiled. She didn't know how a woman as beautiful as Sarah could have such low self confidence when it came to men. "Sarah, I don't think he'd mind a bit."

"We'll see."

* * *

"Sarah, you're back early." Mic leaned in to give her a kiss and was hurt when she pulled away. His lips brushed her cheek, and he sullenly opened the door wider for her to come in. "What's going on?"

She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out the ring. "I have to give this back to you."

His eyes widened and his heart plummeted. "Sarah, no."

Tears filled her eyes and she nodded. "Yes. Mic, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

He reached over and plucked the ring from her hand. "This is about Rabb, isn't it."

"Partially. I love you, Mic. I really do. You are an amazing man. But I'm IN LOVE with him. And as much as I've tried to deny it and make it go away, its there. I've always loved him. And I can't marry you now that I've come to terms with that."

Mic's eyes went dark and he moved to open the door for her. "He's going to hurt you, Sarah. He'll break your heart, and when he does, I won't be here to pick up the pieces."

"Have a good life, Mic." She turned and walked out of the apartment, feeling lighter and happier then she had in a long time.

End Part Six…

Guess what happens next! If you guys are good, I'll have it out by Sunday!

Feedback (as usual) would be great. It's such a good motivator, and its so helpful in determining what direction the story should go in.


	7. Part Seven

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: I know I said Sunday!!! Don't be mad, guys!!! My apartment complex had a cable catastrophe Saturday morning, and I've been without Cable, Internet and digital phone (not that the phone matters, thanks to my trusty Verizon service) until about 10 minutes ago!!! I was going through withdrawal like crazy!!! Anyhoo… sorry this is late, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. Oh.. And the feedback? I'm a very happy girl. You guys are fabulous :)

**Part** **Seven:**

Mac walked into her apartment and sat her purse down on the small table by the door and dropped her duffel bag on the floor. It was so nice to be home. Her apartment was her safe haven. Being out of town so much because of her responsibilities at JAG, she treasured her time at home. She made her way over to the couch and sank into the soft cushions, and pressed play on her answering machine.

"Mac, you and I have never met, but this is Sarah Rabb, Harm's grandmother. He told me that you and he were going to talk about everything going on between you once you returned from your trip. I just wanted to tell you how much I hope things work out. Even if you decide to marry your fiancé, Harm and I both want you to be happy. He's not going to push anymore, so please call him when you're home and settled. He'd hate it if he knew I was meddling, but my grandson is head over heels for you and I'd love to see him happy. Take care, Mac."

She sat in silence as the message ended. After a few minutes, she decided to hell with the late hour, she needed to talk to Harm now. She stood up, grabbed her purse and headed back out to her car.

---

Harm rolled over in his bed trying to tone out the obnoxious knocking. He opened his eyes and groaned. 'Who is knocking on my door past midnight?' He finally managed to pull himself out of bed and stumbled to the door. He pulled the door open with force, and any harsh words for his visitor died when he saw who was standing outside his door. "Mac."

She smiled shyly and nodded. "I'm sorry to bother you so late. May I come in?"

He nodded and opened the door wider. "Yeah, absolutely." He stepped aside and stared at her as she walked in. "Um, have a seat. Can I get you anything?"

"No." She shook her head and tapped the space on the couch beside her. "Please join me. I need to talk to you."

His heart lurched into his stomach, and hesitantly he joined her on the sofa. "How was your trip."

Mac smiled. "It was nice. I lied though. It wasn't JAG related. I talked to the Admiral, and we both decided I should get away for a while. Clear my head you know."

"Oh." He held on to a little bit of faith for them, because she needed to clear her head. "Was it successful?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it was. Spent time on the beach, did some shopping." She stopped suddenly and opened her purse and pulled out a card and a small gift box. "This is for your mom's birthday. I figure you'll see her before I do, so do you mind giving these to her?"

Harm shook his head, his heart warming that she bought his mother a birthday gift. "No, of course I don't mind. What'd you get her?" Although he was anxious to know the reason for this late night visit, he also wanted to hold onto things the way they were for as long as possible. In case things didn't work out the way he hoped.

"I found these gorgeous earrings at a little shop near the Battery. I know I've never met her, but they reminded me of the image I have of her. Classy, artistic, elegant."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "That's mom to a tee." He cleared his throat, set the items on the coffee table and glanced at her. "So what's the real reason for this visit."

For the first time that evening, she gave him a real smile and placed her left hand on his knee. "I thought you would have noticed by now."

Confused, he glanced down at her hand and couldn't stop himself from gasping when he realized her left hand was touching his leg and the hand was bare. He looked back up to her, his eyes wide and hopeful and his mouth slightly agape.

"I got back into town a little while ago." she said quickly. "I stopped by to see Mic, to tell him I couldn't marry him. And then I came here." He was still staring at her and she was getting concerned. "Harm, please say something."

"You're not marrying Mic?" He watched as she shook her head. He sat there in silence for another minute before he placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her to him for a passionate kiss.

After a minute, they both separated, completely breathless and wanting more. Harm leaned in to kiss her again. She placed her hand on his chest and stopped him with gentle resistance. "Wait. I didn't come over for this. I came over so we could talk."

"Your right. I'm sorry."

Mac shook her head. "Don't apologize." She paused and then looked at him with the same hopeful expression he had used earlier. "I need to know what you want from me."

He flashed her his famous grin and picked up her hand. He twined their fingers together. "Sarah, I don't want a fling or a one night stand. I want to love you."

"Harm…" She started but he cut her off by placing two fingers of his free hand over her lips.

"Shh. Don't. Let me finish." When she nodded he pulled his fingers away and smiled. "I phrased that wrong. I already love you. I have for so long. I just want to be allowed to love you now. I want to love you forever."

This time she lifted her fingers to his lips to quiet him. "Harm, I love you too."

"Really?" His smiled was brighter then anything she had ever seen.

She nodded. "Yes. I almost always have." They moved towards each other and met for another passion filled kiss.

---

Half an hour later, Mac reluctantly stood at the front door, her purse in one hand, the other twined with his.

"I wish you would stay." He said softly.

"I know." She leaned up and lightly brushed his lips with hers. "But we need to take things slow. We've both rushed into things with other people before we were ready, and I don't want to make that mistake with us." She squeezes his hand and smiled. "Besides, you need to end things with Renee before we go any further."

"You're right. I know." He leaned down for one last kiss. "Ok. Go. Before I decide to kidnap you and never let you leave."

She couldn't help but giggle and opened the door. "Maybe one day we'll see about that. Goodnight, Harm."

"Night Mac." He watched her get in the elevator and closed the door.

**End Part Seven**

Ok. I hate that I made you guys wait for a part that was so short, but I like to keep things as neatly compartmentalized as possible. I'd rather have a part that was too short then have it contain so much stuff it ended up being about 4000 words. As some of you know, I also like for my stories to end on even numbers, so I'm trying to set this up to end at Part 10. Anyways. Hope you liked it, and don't forget to leave feedback!!!

Oh! And "Dangerous Beauty" you have a very good eye. The line about picking up the pieces was taken from Grey's. I didn't realize it till I read your review. I went back and watched the episode again and I was like, "damn!" I don't think I took it word for word, if I did, my apologies to the good people over at Grey's Anatomy, but I did take the idea of it. Thank you for pointing it out!!!


	8. Part Eight

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: Oh my goodness, it has been a LONG two weeks. I've had about 6 tests and 3 papers due in the past few weeks, hence my neglect of this story. I'm sorry for any inconvenience (I know how frustrating it is when something you're reading is usually regularly updated and then the author goes two weeks with nothing). Anyhoo, I hope you guys enjoy it and continue the feedback. It makes my little shipper heart happy.

**Authors Notes **(part 2): I liked the character of Sturgis a lot. At least how his character was in the beginning. So he will make an appearance here. Mac will of course never have blabbed her secret to him, but he is here and he does still feel a tension between Harm & Mac.

**Part****Eight**:

"Commander Rabb." Mac positively glowed as Harm approached her in the coffee room. It was her first morning back at work since her little weekend excursion, and she was so anxious to see him. He was all she could think about. Last night when she passed on cotton PJ's in favor of a satin tap pants and camisole set, she thought of Harm. She imagined him sliding his hands over the slick material, his lips attached to her collar bone and clothes falling to the floor. When she changed the sheets before crawling into her bed, she imagined going to sleep in his embrace. When she showered and dressed for work that morning, she took special care with exfoliating her skin and applying her make-up.

Harm grinned and picked up a clean coffee mug. "Colonel MacKenzie." He had been filled with a mixture of dread and excitement on the drive into work this morning. Part of him feared the previous night had been a dream, and she'd stroll into the office this morning still wearing Mic's obnoxious ring and being just out of his reach. He filled the cup with coffee and a touch of low fat milk and took a sip. He lowered the mug and smiled at her. "You know, I had this crazy dream last night."

She smiled and sipped her own coffee. "Oh really. And what would that be?"

Harm glanced around the break room, verifying that they were alone and moved closer to her. He placed his hand on her cheek and leaned in to give her a soft kiss. "In my dream we did a lot of that."

Mac opened her eyes and blushed. "Sounds like a good dream." She picked up a muffin from the basket and then looked up at Harm. "You know, in my dreams, we did a lot more then just kiss."

---

"Ok, what's going on with you?" Sturgis asked. He and Harm were opposing council on a case, and during the pre-trial meeting this morning, he had been way too agreeable to the deal Sturgis was offering.

Harm looked up in surprise. "Nothing is wrong. Am I not allowed to be happy?"

"Of course you're allowed to be happy. But you're a hell of a lot happier then you were Friday, so something happened this weekend. What was it?"

"I went to my Grandmother's for the weekend." He replied honestly. "I flew 'Sarah' up on Saturday and I got back in last night."

"How's grandma Sarah doing?" Sturgis loved Harm's grandmother. After his accident that caused him to lose his night vision and his flight status, him, Keeter, and Diane all took a few days leave and took a road trip to Pennsylvania to visit him. Sarah Rabb welcomed the rowdy group into her home and instantly made them all feel like family.

"She's great." His smile never dimmed, even as he shuffled through piles of papers on his desk.

Sturgis narrowed his eyes at him. Something else was going on. As much as harm loved his grandmother, a 78 year old woman wasn't responsible for making him smile like that. "Harm, what's really going on?"

Just as Harm opened his mouth, a knock on the door saved him from Sturgis' questions. "Hey Harm." Mac said softly. She stopped when she saw Sturgis sitting across from him. "Oh, hey Sturgis. Am I interrupting?"

Sturgis was watching Mac carefully and spoke before Harm could. "No, you're fine. I'm just trying to figure out why my good buddy Harm looks so happy this morning."

A soft pink blushed Mac's cheeks and she cleared her throat. "Find out anything good?" They hadn't discussed whether or not to tell their coworkers about the change in their relationship.

"Just that he went to Pennsylvania to visit his grandmother."

Harm looked at Mac and smiled. He wanted her to know that if she wanted to tell people about them, he was okay with that. Their silent method of communication had worked in the past, so hopefully it would work now. She smiled back and gave him the slightest nod. She worked herself more into the office and shut the door behind her.

"Sturg," Harm started, "it wasn't just visiting my grandmother that upped my mood. Mac has ended her engagement to Brumby, and her and I are giving us a shot."

His eyes bulged and he glanced at Mac's hand, verifying the ring is gone. "Seriously?" When both nodded, he smiled and stood up. "This is wonderful? When did it happen?"

Harm stood up and moved closer to Mac. Very subtly, he brushed his fingers over her wrist, just wanting some form of physical contact. He smiled at her, and then at Sturgis. "Last night."

"I had gone away for the weekend to clear my head, and when I returned home, I ended things with Mic." Mac said. "I knew I was in love with Harm, and I couldn't let things keep going the way they were. So after I had ended things with Mic, I went to tell Harm. We talked, and finally worked everything out."

Sturgis could not have been happier. Mac was such a good match for his friend. "I am so happy for the both of you. Does anyone else know?"

Harm glanced at Mac. "Not really. I told my grandmother what I was feeling, but I haven't called her and told her anything yet."

Mac shook her head. "I haven't told anyone either. Well, actually, I told Keeter that I was going to talk to you, because I finally made a decision, but he doesn't know the outcome."

Sturgis and Harm both whipped their heads around to stare at her.

"Keeter?" Harm asked. When Mac nodded, he continued. "My friend Keeter? When did you see him?"

"When I was in Charleston. I ran into him while I was shopping. I went with him to his sister's wedding."

"Were you not going to tell me?"

Mac couldn't believe her ears. She couldn't believe he was getting this upset because she went to a wedding with one of his best friends. "Harm, I've seen you for a grand total of maybe an hour since I've been home. We've had more important things to talk about other then me running into Keeter, going to a wedding with him and spending the whole evening talking about you." She stood up, and took a few steps away from him and closer to the door. "If this is how its going to be, tell me now before either of us get too involved."

He stood up and moved towards her. He picked up her hand, twined their fingers together and gave their joined hands a tiny tug which pulled her body closer to him. "I'm sorry. I completely over reacted. Of course I trust you."

"I'm going to need you to act like it." She said softly. Neither noticed as Sturgis quietly slipped out of the room. "I know we've both been hurt and done the hurting, but I will never hurt you Harm. I promise."

He nodded and lifted their hands to his lips for a soft kiss. "I know. And I love you too. I'll never hurt you either. Never again."

She smiled and said, "Don't make a promise you can't keep."

He lit up as he remembered their baby promise. "I haven't yet."

---

"I can't believe it." Harm said as he walked with Mac out to their cars.

She looked up at him. "What's that?"

"We've been a couple for a whole day and Harriet or the Admiral don't know let."

Mac laughed and came to a stop as they approached her car. She unlocked the door and sat her briefcase on the passenger seat and turned to him. "Want to do something about that?"

He grinned, "What do you have in mind?"

Before he knew what had hit him she had grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and pulled him to her for a deep kiss. After a moment, she released him and pulled back with a smile. "I've been wanting to do that all day."

Harm wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close for another kiss. "Why don't I follow you home so we can do some more of that."

It took all she had not to moan her approval. "Great idea Flyboy. I have one little change to make."

"What's that?"

She gave him a coy smile and walked over to the driver's side of her car. "Why don't you stop by your place first and get a clean uniform for tomorrow."

Realizing what she was insinuating, he nodded nervously. "Yes ma'am. I'll see you in a little while."

"Looking forward to it."

They both got in their cars and drove off, leaving JAG and a smiling Admiral behind.

End Part 8.

Once again guys, sorry this took so long. School has been SO crazy. And the craziness still isn't done, but I was in desperate need of a JAG break. The way my story is timed, I have two parts left. I'll get the next one up as soon as I can! I hope you enjoyed this one and I can't wait to read your comments!


	9. Part Nine

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: sigh As I type this, I'm watching "Measure of Men" and I'm so frustrated because NONE OF THAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED!!! I know that on a TV show when the two leads FINALLY get together its usually death for the show, but grrr. It still frustrates the hell out of me.

**Part Nine**

Mac hurried around her apartment, making sure everything was perfect. Harm would be there any minute and she was anticipating tonight more then she ever had anything else in her life. Dinner was simple. Not wanting to waste a lot of time preparing a lavish meal, she had stopped by the grocery store on her way home and bought some fresh pasta and a container of Cajun alfredo sauce. The sauce was heating and the pasta was boiling and the kitchen smelled wonderful. The table was set beautifully, and crystal wine glasses held chilled ginger ale. Tea light candles gave the room a soft, romantic glow and a jazz CD she had picked up Border's earlier that day finished setting the romantic atmosphere.

---

Harm stood outside of Mac's apartment; trying to calm himself before knocking on the door. He had changed from his uniform into a favorite pair of worn jeans and a black polo shirt. A garment bag was slung over one arm and a bouquet of the most beautiful roses he could find was in his hand. He could hear the soft music coming from inside and couldn't help but smile. He was so in love with this woman it was ridiculous. Finally summoning his courage, he lightly tapped on the door. Less then a minute later, she opened the door with a flourish and greeted him with a brilliant smile.

"Hey." She said softly. Her eyes roamed his body, taking in the way his shirt clung to his chest and the jeans… he looked so good in that particular pair of jeans. "Right on time."

He smiled as she stepped aside and invited him in. "You look gorgeous." He couldn't stop staring. She was the only woman he knew who could make khaki chinos and a pale blue oxford shirt look devastatingly alluring.

"Thank you." She smiled at him and nodded at the flowers. "Are those for me?"

Harm blushed and nodded. "Yeah. Do you like them?"

Mac nodded. The roses were beautiful; a pale buttery yellow with bright orange tops. "Thank you, they're gorgeous. I'm going to put these in water if you want to hang your bag up." She gave him a confident smile as she searched for her expensive crystal vase. She arranged the flowers and her mind wandered to the events of the past few days. She couldn't believe they were here and this was happening. Harm was in her apartment. He had brought her roses for no occasion at all. He had brought a uniform so he could spend the night. And just a week ago she thought she would grow old with Mic, never knowing what it was like to love and be loved by Harmon Rabb Jr.

---

Harm took the uniform out of the garment bag and hung it on the back of the bedroom door. He looked around her bedroom and took a minute to take in all of the changes of the past couple of days. Part of him wished they had already been a couple for years, and were married, living the type of simple, pure life they both so desperately wanted. The other part of him wanted this night to last forever. Their first night as a couple. The first night he would make love with her, curl up beside her and fall asleep next to her. 'Mac had obviously gone through a lot of trouble.' He thought. Unlit candles covered the empty surfaces if her furniture. The bed was already turned down and the room was immaculate. Taking a deep breath, he walked out of her bedroom ad back to the kitchen. He watched with a slight smile as she combined the pasta and sauce and transferred it to a serving dish. Stepping closer, he asked, "Anything I can do to help?"

She turned to look at him and nodded. "Could you set that on the table please? I've got to get the bread out."

"Sure thing." Instead of taking the dish from her, he covered her hands with his. He could feel the tension coming from her and wanted to do something to help her relax. He lowered his head and brushed his lips over hers in the softest of kisses. "Relax Mac. Everything is perfect, and we have all night to get things right."

She smiled at him and nodded. "You're right. I'm just nervous. I've wanted this for so long and we both have so much riding on this and-"

He cut her off with another kiss, this one slightly more passionate. Once he pulled away he smiled and tugged the dish from her. "Go get the bread and relax. We'll be fine. Actually, we'll be better then fine. I've wanted this for too long to let anything get in the way of us."

---

They enjoyed a nice dinner. Harm complimented her on the sauce only to have her laugh and confess that she bought it from the prepared foods section at the store. The food was good, the conversation was kept light.

"I'm glad Bud & Harriet are doing so well." Mac said as she took the plates into the kitchen.

Harm stood and followed her with the leftover pasta. "Me too. I don't know how she does it. Taking care of AJ… and Bud." This caused Mac to flash him a brilliant smile. "And now they're going to try for another baby."

"Well, Harriet always did want a houseful of kids." Mac pulled a gorgeous dessert out of the fridge, and carried it to the table. "Will you bring some dessert plates and forks to the table?"

He nodded and grabbed the requested items from her cabinets and followed her to the table. "That looks amazing. Where did you buy that from?"

This time we was rewarded with a glare. "This, I actually made, thank you very much. it's a triple berry cheesecake tart."

"I didn't know you baked." He watched her cut the colorful dessert and place equal sized pieces on their plates.

"I do. I love baking." She took a bite and smiled at him. "And I've been told I'm pretty good at it."

He took a bite and made an appreciative sound. "I'll say you're good at it. This is delicious."

---

Dinner and dessert was over, the table had been cleared and they had retreated to her sofa.

"Thanks for dinner, Mac. Everything was delicious."

Mac smiled. "You're very welcome." They sat in silence for a moment and Harm reached over and took her hand in his. He played with her fingers, staring at the bare spot on her finger where the ring had been. She watched him for a moment and then asked, "What are you thinking?"

"Just so happy to be here with you."

She smiled. "I know. Everything happened so quickly that all day long I've made a point to look down at my hand to make sure I'm not hallucinating."

"Do we need to talk about this?"

"About what?"

He tightened his fingers around hers and sighed. "Things are over with Renee, Mac. They've actually been over since Saturday. When I went to my grandmothers, I was talking to her and realized I had forgotten about a date that I had with Renee. So I called her and told her that I couldn't see her anymore."

Mac looked at him, her eyes wide and her heart full. "But why? You didn't even know what was going on with us yet."

"I knew things were over with Renee from the second I kissed you on the Admiral's porch. Mac, regardless of what happened with us, I couldn't keep seeing Renee. I know you didn't like her, but she is a nice person and she deserves more then what I was able to offer her. Anyways, I was at JAG on a Saturday, working because my other option was to sit at home and fool around with my guitar and drink."

"That's what you do when you're depressed." She interrupted.

He stared at her, hoping she was getting the point. "I know." He saw a spark in her eyes and continued. "My grandmother convinced me to come visit and we spent the whole trip talking about you. She told me how letting you walk away in Australia was the stupidest thing I've ever done. We talked about how I was in love with you and how I had to tell you when I came home. Even if it was un-honorable seeing how you were engaged, I had to try."

Mac smiled at him and leaned into him. "Your grandmother seem like a smart woman."

"She is. You'd like her. Maybe next time I go visit, you could go with me."

She turned her head so she could look at him. "I'd love that."

He smiled and wrapped an arm around her waist. "So, while I was there, I was helping Grams clean out her attic. She gave me a few things. She gave me her engagement ring, Mac." He could feel her tense in his arms and he held her tighter. "She told me she had been waiting for twenty years to give it to me. She told me that she knew you were the one. She could tell from the way my voice sounded when I spoke to you and the way my face lights up when I mention you. I'm not going to do it now. We're not ready for that. Mac, I know that. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I want to date you first. I want to take you out for romantic dates. I want us to take weekend trips to relax and spend time alone together. We've been building a strong friendship for years, and I want us to take some time to build a strong relationship."

Mac pulled out of his embrace and looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "Does that mean its going to be five years before you propose?"

He laughed. "No. But I want us to take our time and date like normal people for a little while."

"I want that too." She turned in his embrace so she was facing him and lowered her head to his. The kiss was long and passionate, soft and slow. "But that doesn't mean that I want us to take **_everything_** slow."

"Mmm." He moaned softly, catching the innuendo. "Then, Colonel MacKenzie, what do you say we move the rest of the evenings activities to your bedroom."

She stood up and extended a hand to him. "I think that is an excellent idea, Commander."

**End Part Nine**

As always, feedback is seriously my favorite thing on the planet. This story is almost over, and I love knowing what you think of it.


	10. Part Ten

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: sigh I suck!!! I know. I haven't updated this since November. Along with my lack of motivation, school has just been insane. But I'm really sorry to make you guys wait so long for the conclusion. I did better then with my last fic though! That one was "in progress" for 4 years, so I think 6 months is a definite improvement.

**Part Ten**

Seven Months Later

Rabb Farm, Belleville, Pennsylvania

"You okay, Mac?" Harm hopped out of his plane and then extended his hand to her.

She took his hand and hopped out of the plane herself. "Yeah, I'm good. But then again, any time we fly and it doesn't turn into a life or death situation is good for me."

"Ha ha. Very funny." He pulled their bags out and threw them over his shoulders. "What I meant was, are you okay with being here?"

"Yes, Harm, I'm fine. You know I've been looking forward to meeting your grandmother."

"I know. I'm just checking."

Mac leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. "Don't worry so much, Harm. With everything you've told me about her, I don't really feel like there is any need to be nervous."

He smiled and started walking towards the house. "There's not, I just know how I would get when meeting a significant others family for the first time."

"Well lucky for the Admiral, you and I aren't that much alike."

He glared at her and said "watch it, Colonel."

She laughed and took one of the bags from him and then wrapped her other arm around his waist. "I'm just giving you a hard time. Now can we please go inside? It's really cold out here."

* * *

Sarah Rabb walked around her home straightening odds and ends and straightening the pillows on the sofa about every ten seconds. Not only was her grandson was coming to spend Christmas with her, but he was also bringing his Sarah. And she was definitely looking forward to meeting this young woman. The kitchen timer started beeping, so she took fluffed the pillow in the overstuffed chair one more time and then hurried off to baste her turkey. She was brushing more of the herb mixture over the turkey when she heard the front door open.

"Gram?"

"Harm!" She shoved the turkey back in the oven and let the door slam shut. She was back in the living room in a matter of seconds and giving her handsome grandson a fierce hug. She pulled back after a minute and cupped his face in her palms. "I wasn't expecting the two of you for a couple of hours."

Harm smiled and pulled her hands down and placed a kiss on one of them. "Well, if you want us to go we will."

"Don't even think about it." She turned and looked at Mac, giving her a brilliant smile. "Now, Harmon, introduce me please."

Harm wrapped his arm around Mac and pulled her close to his side. "Grams, this is Mac. Mac, this is my grandma."

Mac extended her hand, but Sarah would have none of that She took the hand and pulled her in for a hug. "Mac, I've heard so much about you I feel like I already know you. It's so nice to finally meet you."

Mac blushed and then smiled. "It's nice to meet you to, Mrs. Rabb."

"No way. Mrs. Rabb was my mother in law. Please call me Grams or Sarah." She smiled at the young couple and then looked at their bags. "Harm, I've fixed up the downstairs guestroom for the two of you, if you want to take the bags in there."

Harm leaned in and kissed Mac on the cheek. "This is her way of telling me to get lost for a few minutes" he said in a stage whisper. Sarah and Mac both laughed and he picked up their bags and headed towards the bedroom.

Sarah took Mac by the hand and led her to the sofa. "So did you have a nice flight? I know when you and Harm fly together, catastrophes tend to happen."

"This flight was surprisingly calm. Cold, but calm."

Sarah popped up. "Oh gosh. I should have offered you a coffee or something to warm you up."

Mac smiled and stood. "Coffee would be wonderful." She followed Sarah into the kitchen and breathed in the delicious aromas. "It smells amazing in here."

Sarah took two coffee cups out of the cupboard and started pouring. "Thank you. For Christmas I always make an herb rubbed turkey with garlic mashed potatoes, broccoli casserole and a variety of pies."

"Sounds delicious. Will it just be the three of us for dinner?"

This time it was Sarah's turn to blush. "No, not quite. I've recently started seeing a very nice man I met at the senior's center. His children are in Baltimore for the holidays, so I've invited him to join us."

* * *

Harm put their things away and glanced around his old bedroom. His grandmother had changed it a lot since he was a child. Gone was the twin bed with the airplane comforter. In its place was a roomier queen sized with a basic navy blue duvet and white pillow cases with a subtle navy trim. The youthful desk had been replaced with a plush black leather armchair. The posters and toys were gone, only a few traces of his childhood remained. The models of airplanes still adorned the top of the bureau and framed photographs still sat on the tops of the nightstand and the entertainment sister. The one on the nightstand was one of his most precious- he and his parents and grandmother at the beach one summer when he was very young. No more then four or five. He was on his fathers shoulder and his mother and grandmother had their arms wrapped around one another's waist. It was the perfect image of the family had had carried around in his mind all of his life. He hoped that one day in the future he and Mac could take a photograph like this with a child of theirs. He sat the photograph back in its place and went to join his two Sarah's.

He walked into the kitchen and their serious conversation ceased. He raised his eyebrows. "Am I interrupting anything?"

Sarah blushed and took a sip of her coffee. Mac smiled at the older woman and then looked at Harm. "Have a seat Harm."

Harm looked at her curiously and took the seat next to Mac. "What's going on? Did I miss something?"

"Harmon," his grandmother started, "we're going to have company for dinner tonight." She took another sip and continued. "I've been seeing someone recently and his family is in Baltimore for the holidays, so I invited him to join us."

"Why are the two of you acting like I'm a four year old who needs to be reminded to be on his best behavior?"

Sarah rolled her eyes and smiled at Mac. "Because, Harmon, when your mother or I would ever even look at a man you would act like a four year old. Sam is a very nice man and I enjoy his company and it would mean a lot to me if you would at least try to act civil."

* * *

Harm sat on the bed and watched Mac as she got ready for dinner. "Mac, stop fussing. You look gorgeous." She turned away from the mirror and gave him a big smile.

"Thanks honey." She no longer blushed when a term of endearment slipped out. He seemed to enjoy it so she was trying to let herself be a little less self conscious. She turned back to the mirror and ran a hand over the front of her cranberry cashmere sweater. "So this looks okay?"

He stood up and walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and admired the two of them in the mirror. "You're gorgeous."

Mac turned in his embrace and leaned up to capture his lips in a gentle kiss. "I love you so much, Harm."

He kissed her again. "I love you too. Thank you for coming up here with me."

"Anytime." She reached for the travel jewelry bag that was lying on the dresser and pulled out a pair of earrings.

"Do you mean that?" He asked. She thought she detected a nervous edge in his voice. She put the other earring in and turned to face him.

"Harm, of course I mean it. I really like your grandmother and it's so quiet and beautiful out here." Mac looked him over. Not only did his voce sound nervous, but his body was giving off a similar nervous vibe. "Harm, what's going on?"

He took her hand and moved them to the bed. "Mac- Sarah. I was going to wait until after dinner to do this, but I don't think I can." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little velvet pouch. He heard her gasp which only made him more nervous. His fingers fumbled with the tie and he finally pulled out the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. He slid off of the bed and got down on one knee before her. "I'm sure there is probably a more romantic place to do this, but we've waited so long. I don't want to wait any longer. I love you so much Sarah. You mean everything to me. Will you be my wife?"

Mac mentally cursed herself for not wearing waterproof eye make up and viscously rubbed her cheek. "Yes, Harm. Of course I'll marry you." She held her breath as he slid the massive emerald cut diamond solitaire on her finger. "It's so beautiful."

"It's my grandmothers. My grandfather gave it to her the day he graduated from the academy. It had previously been his mothers." He slid the ring onto her finger and looked up at her with moist eyes. "She gave this to me the weekend you went to Charleston to clear your head. She was so sure, even then that we'd end up together."

"She's a smart lady." She leaned into him and kissed him gently "I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

Sarah hurried to the front door and pulled it open with a flourish. Samuel Justice stood on her front step looking as handsome and nervous as she felt. He smiled and handed her a bouquet of gorgeous blood red roses.

"I hope you like them."

She leaned in and gave him a chaste peck on the lips. "They're beautiful. I love them." She opened the door wider and stepped out of the way. "Please come in. Harm and Mac should be ready shortly."

Sam nodded and stepped inside the old farmhouse. Familiar with his surroundings, he took off his coat and walked over to the closet. He then turned back to Sarah and took the glass of wine she offered. "Just so I'm clear: Harm is your grandson and Mac is his girlfriend."

Sarah nodded and sipped her own wine. It was non-alcoholic out of respect for Mac, but still had a rich, full flavor. "Harm is a navy pilot-lawyer and Mac is a marine lawyer. They work for JAG headquarters in Washington, D.C."

He nodded and sipped his drink. "Good to know. Sarah, this wine doesn't taste quite right."

She blushed and paused, unsure of how much of Sarah's past to reveal. She wasn't even completely sure of how much she was supposed to know. "Well, it's non-alcoholic. I guess it's just a force of habit from having Christmas with a child in the house."

"Oh, ok then." Sam swirled his glass around, smiled at her and took another sip. "It's good, just different."

They heard the bedroom door open and looked up to see a radiant Harm and Mac walking towards them. Sarah smiled at them and handed them both a glass. She saw the smile fall slightly from Mac's face. "Would you two like a glass of non-alcoholic wine?" Mac glanced at Harm. He nodded slightly and she smiled at him and then his grandmother before accepting the glass. When she reached for the glass, Sarah noticed the sparkle of a large stone on her finger. Her eyes went wide and she looked up at them. "Harmon, Mac, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class?" Her smile was just as radiant as the younger couple.

"Grams, I had planned to ask Mac to marry me after dinner, but I jus couldn't wait anymore."

Sarah pulled Mac to her for a hug and then her grandson. "I'm so proud of you, Harm." She pulled away and looked at Mac. She picked up her hand and admired the ring. "It's such a lovely ring. And I'm so glad to see it on you."

Mac smiled brilliantly. "Harm told me it was yours. It means so much that you wanted me to have this."

Sarah pulled Mac close again. "There was never anyone else."

End part 10

This is almost the end! There will be a short epilogue which I will post on Friday. School is out for the summer and Friday will be my official fic posting day. I already have another story going in my head and can't wait to start it.

Hope you guys enjoyed this, and even though I've kept you hanging for 6 months, I still really appreciate feedback.


	11. Epilogue

**Title**: Clearing Her Head

**Author**: Tsarina Smith

**Rating**: PG-13 (for now)

**Disclaimer**: Let's see... What do I own… hmm. I own designer handbags, a bookcase full of chick lit, 3 crammed DVD racks and the most beautiful emerald green coat you've ever seen. But I don't own JAG. Damn it.

**Spoilers**: Lifeline mainly. HOWEVER. The show has been over for a year. Consider the whole series fair game.

**Summary**: After the infamous engagement party, Mac has a lot of thinking to do

**Authors Notes**: Thanks for the e-mails, feedback and support with this story. I appreciate it so much. I hope all of the people who have read it have enjoyed it, and will read my next one. Look for it in early June!

**AN 2**: Some of the vows are from Nile's and Daphne's wedding(s) on Frasier. It was on the other night and was just so sweet I wanted to incorporate some of the wording.

And as always, feedback is much wanted and appreciated.

**Epilogue**

Mac took a deep breath and took one last look in the mirror before heading down to the beach. She was back at The Sanctuary at Kiawah Island for another wedding- hers. It wasn't going to be as elaborate as the one she had gone to with Jack, but it would be beautiful just the same. The ceremony was actually going to be on the beach and the reception inside in one of the ballrooms. Her and Harm hoped that they wouldn't offend anyone, but the guest list for the wedding was strictly close friends and family. Harriet and Bud would stand up for them, Harm's parents, grandmother and Sam were the only family there, and Chloe, AJ, Sturgis and Jack and their significant others made up the rest of the guest list.

She made it outside and saw her friends and new family gathered around Harm, Bud and Harriet in a cluster. Harriet took note of her, smiled and had everyone sit so the ceremony could begin. A soft piece of music wafted through stereo speakers as she made her way to Harm. He looked almost devastatingly handsome in white chinos and a baby blue polo shirt. He had a white rose pinned over the tiny, embroidered alligator and looked at her with awe.

He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life. She wore a simple, white silk dress that fell just below her knees and was held up with two delicate spaghetti straps with white flip flops. She carried a simple bouquet of white roses tied with a sheer baby blue ribbon and had the most radiant smile he had ever seen on anyone. She finally made her way to his side after what seemed like hours. He took one of her hands and kissed it gently.

"You look beautiful." She blushed and smiled.

"You look pretty handsome yourself."

They were being married by the hotel chaplain. It was a very simple ceremony, with the two of them exchanging vows they had written themselves.

"I, Harmon Rabb, Jr. take you Sarah Mackenzie to be my wife. I promise you my love and my friendship, my trust and my fidelity, my honor and protection for the rest of our lives. You are my one and only love and I am so grateful that we have finally reached this point on our amazing journey together."

She took one of her hands out of his briefly to wipe a tear from her eye and then took her turn. "I, Sarah Mackenzie take you Harmon Rabb Jr. to be my husband. I promise to love and cherish you for all of our lives. I promise you my love and friendship, my trust as well as my respect. I promise to be faithful to you and to these vows for the rest of my life."

* * *

The party was in full swing. Everyone was so happy for the newlyweds and had wanted to celebrate with them. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves and the company of the other guests.

Harm twirled Mac around the dance floor after being presented in public for the first time. After a second spin, he pulled her back into his arms and held her close. He noticed she looked pensive. "Everything okay?"

She nodded and smiled brightly. "Absolutely perfect. I was just wondering why we have so many people here. I didn't think we had that many friends."

"I guess we're more popular then we thought."

Mac laughed and allowed him to dip her. "When did you become such a good dancer?"

He blushed and stammered for a minute before confessing to dance lessons.

"That is so sweet, honey."

They moved silently to the music for a moment before he stopped almost completely. "Thank you, Sarah."

She searched his face for some clue as to what he was talking about. "Honey, what are you talking about?"

"Thank you for giving us a chance after that night on the Admiral's porch. Thank you for not taking the easy was out and marrying Mic."

Mac smiled and cupped his cheek in her palm. "I've loved you for so long, Harm. After that night I just had to leave. I couldn't marry him until I figured out exactly what I was feeling for you."

"I'm glad you took that time."

She stood up on her tip-toes to gently kiss him. "Me too."

**THE END!**

I hope you guy enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it, and I hope I gave you all the ending you were hoping for.


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